Don’t Play the Victim

Hey again,

Back with more information everyone should hear to help kick this bad habit for good. If you haven’t seen it already, I made a post called, “Why We Can Beat the Challenge in 1 Streak.”. It goes over the reasons as to why and how we’ve established a dependency on PMO, and how with the right mindset and doing the challenge correctly, we can overcome this addiction without relapses.

I won’t restate everything here, as the link’s above if you’re interested. In short, whenever we get urges, it’s not as simplistic as “wanting to feel good.” There’s always some uncomfortable feeling you’re trying to rectify by getting your next “fix” or “release.” Quick-fix solutions like PMO deny us the responsibility of confronting our emotional issues at the source and dealing with them. And since avoiding/numbing the pain never makes it go away, the irony is we think it fixes our problems but it only makes them worse.

Now, that’s just one major reason why people don’t get clean: they don’t understand that recovery means taking responsibility for our emotions and dealing with any issues that might occur. The other, very prevalent reason, is they feel the addiction it too powerful, or they themselves are just too weak.

Having such a detrimental mindset can set back your recovery for weeks, maybe even months. You may even give up altogether like I almost did as little as two weeks ago. But you can change that today. And by exposing those lies for what they are, and making you aware of how capable you all are, I hope to help you accomplish that.

WHAT IT MEANS TO PLAY THE VICTIM CARD AND WHY IT ALWAYS LOSES

Now, I don’t mean that you think the world should pity you and that you’re completely helpless. No, what I mean is by playing the victim card, you’re becoming your own worst enemy, and you probably don’t even realize it.

Sometimes you feel too ashamed of what you’ve done. That you can’t accept your mistakes. Or life is “too much.” Maybe you can’t handle the stress or the pressure, or you’re convinced you need something or someone to finally quit. Maybe, for whatever reason, you’re afraid.

I felt all these things and more, and I’m sure enough of you have similar experiences. Are the things I’ve stated excuses? No, not really. To be more accurate, they’re sabotage. By believing these lies, you’re ensuring you’ll never, and I mean never be strong enough to get cured. And you’ll only be strong enough when you believe you are.

What they do is prevent you from taking charge of your life. Remember that recovery is confronting our issues at the source. We’ve spent a very long time not doing that, like a muscle that’s never been exercised. This addiction didn’t happen overnight, so we can’t expect a strong amount of self-control immediately either.

And the truth is, we’ve been playing the victim card, the easy way out, long before we became addicted. As I stated in my previously mentioned post, it’s our beliefs and behaviors that led us to PMO and kept us dependent on it. Anytime we were faced with a difficult situation or feeling, a chance to properly practice self-control and deal with the source of the issue, we instead used PMO to avoid it. We felt the problem was too much, that we needed something to numb the pain or block it out. This is why things like “moderation” never work. They focus too much on the action itself—which is just an expression of a larger issue—and not enough of what’s making them feel the need to behave this way in the first place. And there’s many variations like swapping masturbation for sex, viewing only certain kinds of porn, masturbating without porn and vice-versa, masturbating to your girlfriend, having sex with your girlfriend whenever you get urges, stimulating different parts of your body, masturbation without orgasm, deliberately fantasizing about women, and on and on. These are the real excuses. None of them address the source of the issue. And if any of them actually worked, I would have found it by now and I wouldn’t be here.

This is the victim card. It’s convinced that you can’t win, that you can’t handle anything difficult, and that’s why it always loses.

YOU HAVE THE POWER, NOT THE ADDICTION

It might sound unbelievable that we can all beat the challenge in one streak. It did to me not very long ago. But that’s because we didn’t understand what we were doing wrong–like not processing our emotions–and what we had to do to succeed. A lack of awareness is probably the worst thing you can suffer from, because if you don’t recovery properly, you don’t recover at all.

But once you understand the mistakes that led you to PMO, and what you have to change, the road to recovery doesn’t seem so much like a near-impossible task. You realize that you have all the information, all the support you need to succeed, and that the only obstacle left is you.

Life has as many ups as it does downs. We can’t avoid the fact that there will be times we think life is horrible, or is just annoying. There will be times we think this addiction is a compelling force inside of us. But you know what? We can’t play the victim card forever, so that means we can’t blame the addiction forever.

It may be an urge, but we give it more power than it has. It’s just a thought in your mind. It may be trying to convince you of something, but you always have the ultimate decision whether or not to listen. Again, once you understand the mistakes you’ve made, and know you have everything you need to succeed, you can’t blame the addiction or a down moment in life anymore. You have take the responsibility to change your life, or quit altogether. But you can’t say you didn’t know what to do or expect, and if you relapse again, it’s because you chose to be weak, not because an urge in your mind made you.

WE CAN BEAT THIS IN 1 STREAK, YOU JUST HAVE TO REMEMBER YOU CAN

I used to think you had to make it the whole 90 days to prove you had the strength to resist this bad habit. So if the next time you indulged, it’s because you chose to, not because some addiction made you. But that’s not true, far from it. Now that we have an understanding, we know we have the strength now, today, to decide whether we indulge or not.

I know each and every one of you is capable of beating this thing without relapsing again. You have the strength. You have the decision. Weakness is a choice.

The world needs strong men and women. People who face their problems, not avoid them. You may not believe you’re strong, because you haven’t practiced being strong enough times. Because when the chances arrived, we instead used PMO.

I can’t promise easy or little to no obstacles. That’s not what life is. I can promise you that it does get easier every time you decide to face the issue, because you get stronger.

TELLING YOU THE STRAIGHT UP TRUTH

Warning: I start swearing in this last part, if you’re not okay with that. But nothing sexual.

I’m gonna level with you guys, straight up with no bullshit. Every online community has its fair share of fools, and this place is no different. There’s too many guys (not saying there’s a whole lot, just too many) here who just wanna half-ass the challenge.

Their priorities are getting girlfriends and getting laid again. And if it’s not that, it’s finding a way to be comfortable with their addiction, using one of the many excuses out there. And they are like a lot of people out there in the world that we’re afraid of being judged by because of our PMO-related past. They don’t want to acknowledge their mistakes or the idea that they may be wrong, and change who they are for the better. We’ve all been this way at least once before wanting to get clean, it’s just sad that it took an addiction for us to get the wake-up call.

I’m not bagging on these people, because I understand why they think what they do. I want to help them as much as anyone else. The only we can do that is by making them aware of the mistakes they’re making, that we made, and tell them rather than enable them. This is a lot different from just condemning them, so don’t get it mixed up.

I know as a society, we’ve been taught to be afraid. Whether it’s being who we are in the fear of being judged, or basically calling people on their shit. And if we just knowingly watch people make mistakes, or worse, enable them, we’re not doing anyone any favors. How can they expect to change if they don’t even know what they’re doing is detrimental, and most people are telling them it’s okay?

And if we truly want to lessen the problem of PMO in the world, we can’t be afraid to talk about it, to let people know we used it. We can’t fear the backlash forever, because that never got us anywhere.

Growing up with PMO, I complained there weren’t enough stories, anonymous or not, about what it does to you. That there weren’t enough people daring to say that PMO isn’t this wonder drug to happiness, and that it just makes you dependent on it. It’s a major reason why the fictitious, bullshit side to PMO is the only you hear growing up.

And I know I’m risking a lot of backlash and a lot of down-votes by saying this. That I sound “pretentious” or “need to get off my high horse.” Like I said, I don’t condemn those people because I know where they’re coming from and I used to be there. I’m only saying what they’re doing wrong and not pussyfooting around or sugarcoating the message. I only hope the majority will appreciate my effort to be straight with you.

CONCLUSION

So that was me trying to be the help I wish I had when first getting into this mess. The kind of effort I want to see more of in the world. Again, it’s easy for me to believe in each and every one of you, because I know you have the power to beat this thing today. Not tomorrow. Not in 90 days. Not even in a year. Today!

But don’t stop here. There’s plenty of information you can learn to help beat this thing, like the NoFap Youtube channel which helped me a great deal. Expect to see me again with another post and more information to help you all get past this addiction once and for all.

Edit: I want to add that I’m not pushing the 1 streak thing too strongly. I understand that some people may make honest mistakes, as I did, along the way to recovery. I don’t want those people, after reading this, to feel helpless or discouraged if they do happen to make one of those mistakes.

Until then, remember to work on who you want to be. See you next time.

Confession: normally I wouldn’t, but I put the “must read” in the title to try and get the most attention so more people could see the message. Didn’t want it getting lost in the new post tab, lol.

“Nothing is impossible, the word itself says ‘I’m possible’!” Audrey Hepburn

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